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We Don't Die Alone

from The Greatest Arsonist by Straight Line Arrival

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We Don't Die Alone, details where the reailty of the world truly sets in for them. In a hospital room, it is revealed that what seemed like trivial worrying from his partner, is an actual cancer scare, and Arsonist is to go see a specialist. Arsonist is left scared for his own life, and wanting to live is a new and terrifying feeling and Arsonist has a lot flash before their eyes and wonders what might happen when the people he love passes away or what might even happen if and when he passes.

This is about a real cancer scare of mine. It took six months for the follow up appointment to happen. I have never been friendly to this body I inhabit and as a nonbinary person am not very attached to it and struggle from body dismporphia to begin with. I've conquered eating disorders and various addictions but was very worried that the intense lifestyle I lived had finally caught up with me. I couldn't drink away the existintial crisis. I couldn't cope with a vice to suddenly make the cancer go away.
I hated this song for the longest time. Because it turns out (we will get more into this later), I didn't have any serious type of cancer, I wasn't dying, I just needed some concerning areas removed from my body before it could spread.
With proper yearly checkups and removal of problem growths this is something that more than likely will never become something that will kill me.
This song, I go backwards and forwards between loving and hating. At times it feels very real, at other times it feels like a complete overreaction to nothing.
Either way that six month wait to see the specialist really fucked me up in a lot of ways. It's a terribly long wait for something that could have been super serious and urgent.
But that's the American health care system for you.

lyrics

I was born with my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck
And ever since then I've been thinking about putting something back around it
I dont mean to be dramatic
I hate this body i inhabit
Life aint what i imagined
So i put my hope in packs of matches
someday i will bury my father
and we'll regret getting so out of touch
maybe i should have called or sent a text or a letter
shit it wouldn't have taken much
someday I will not come home just like that cat you miss so much
will you cry for me?
will you miss me like you missed your baby?

white walls, white sheets, in this hospital room they blind me
as the doctor says we should have a specialist, look at this
cause your'e the right type of person
for this right type of cancer
the room goes black and I can feel my mortality
and it scares the shit out of me

it hurts cause it's supposed to
it hurts cause it's supposed to hurt
i'm lost becuase i'm supposed to
i'm lost because i'm supposed to be lost

we all die
but we don't die alone my friends

we all die
but we don't die alone my friends
this isn't the end
I pretend
that my ship isn't sinking
it's a all a lie
til the part where the truth begins
it's all sinking in
it's a giant dead end
I can't fix this by drinking

credits

from The Greatest Arsonist, released November 14, 2019
drums by Chris Holmes
everything else by SKy Husebye

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Straight Line Arrival Fargo, North Dakota

Straight Line Arrival is an independent emo-punk band out of Fargo. Started in 2015 as a solo project of Sable Sky, SLA now includes Tim Julio and Michael Hansen.

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